Difficult Mamahood Times & A Tropical Celebration Cheesecake

Posted by: on Apr 12, 2014 | 78 Comments

 

Semi-raw, vegan & GF Tropical Cheesecake at www.Earthsprout.com

As Fabian will read this text: Honey, I’m sorry for hijacking your birthday cake post to write this. 27 will rock your world and present huge shifts, I’m sure of it and I know you’ll meet it with greatness. We will. I love you
.
…………………………………………..

A couple of weeks ago I could barely keep myself together. Or rather, I didn’t. The power inside of me went out.

I have debated with myself and Fabian weather or not to talk about this here but seeing as the things happening in our lives at the moment could possibly shed some light on an important topic that needs discussing, here I am sharing. Another thing before you go on reading, I get that this may stir up some emotions or opinions and as that’s great we’ll of course allow your love based (only!) comments beneath this post. Thank you for holding space and sharing light!

We all have plenty of identities in the outer world and that sure is immensely interesting and a huge growth factor but at the base of everything we are just us. You know, the grand, powerful, packed with resources, all potential in the universe, filled with love-us. This is what rings true to me and it is how I live but sometimes when we feel particularly kooky and really overwhelmed (me in this case) those outer identities grow louder and becomes more attention-craving then the soul-fueled core-us. Does that ring a bell?

Here’s the deal, being an A-type of person by nature and juggling everything from a company (even though what I do for Earthsprout at the moment is limited to a very minimum) to a broken dishwasher, seedlings, showering, remembering to drink enough water and being a first time mom with all that it includes, is crazy (is there a more potent word for crazy?). At this time in my life my No1 outer identity is being a mother and I am loving every bit of  it and our little forest prince. Caspian is the most silly, wonderful, funny, dreamy baby boy ever. Plus he has the cutest ears. But (and here’s the thing) the longest he’s slept in one stretch since he came earthside is 4 hours (which has happened two times, otherwise it’s usually between 20 minutes – 2 hours at a time). Needless to say we’re kinda tired over here. Sleep deprivation really is no joke. My energy reservoirs have been long past the point of empty for quite a while now and still it took a complete break-down and some reasoned with to realize why I was acting and feeling all nutty. I needed to get some serious sleep. Seriously.

What happened was this: during the middle of Caspians monthly check-up with our amazing childrens nurse I let my strong survival- mode melt away. I had hit a limit. In the middle of all the tears I felt like a failure for breaking down since all other moms seemed to keep it all so perfectly together. The irony is that If you’d have met me 5 minutes earlier you’d never been able to see anything but the positive, loving mom holding a gorgeous child in her arms that I see in others. I know that I am strong in multiple ways (for which I am very grateful) however, this kind of emotional strength doesn’t do anyone one bit of good. What it does is it pushes an inevitable teary culmination further into the future, making it harder to cope with. Unintentionally I fooled myself and even Fabian for a long time. Not my mom though. So why do it? Why leave Elenore in a corner to wait for easier times and let the ‘just do it survival-me’ take charge? Honestly it was mostly due to a blurry picture that everyone else is handling ”it all” so effing great and I didn’t have enough back-up sleep in my body to even question the glossy, photoshopped front picture of mamahood that we meet everywhere. Also I’m so used to identifying myself with the very productive and effective ”outer identity” that I tend to keep around. Combining those two and adding them to our current life and situation = insanity.

Somewhere I knew that it was all going to be all right but still the most prominent emotion at that time was panic. I felt panicky about almost everything in our lives and my thoughts were a big, huge mess with a delicious touch of identity crisis. I couldn’t be reasoned with at all. How long we can live in this rental house? How, where, how long, when to travel this year? How to think around Caspians preschool/schooling? Shouldn’t we really start looking for land to buy? Or buy a run down house and renovate it? What do I want to focus on with Earthsprout? Couldn’t we just sell everything and move to Kauai/Ubud/San Fransisco? What are Fabians thoughts around his job? ..and so on. Having a child has in my mind put everything in our lives up for evaluation and I guess it’s not very uncommon. I don’t think I’m the only one who’s pushed to carefully consider my core desired feelings and what brings them around in a situation like this. Why? There simply isn’t room for anything unnecessary and it’s time to be crystal clear with ones intentions. A big sign says ”No space for fluff” during all moments of every day.

Anyway, it took 10 minutes for one wise doctor (who was a mother herself) to realize I needed a break. I am currently on sick-leave and Fabian is on parental-leave. After two weeks the panic has left and even though I’m very far from well rested and completely grounded, the core-me feels safe enough to be more present instead of the survival-me. Progress!

Semi-raw, vegan & GF Tropical Cheesecake at www.Earthsprout.comSemi-raw, vegan & GF Tropical Cheesecake at www.Earthsprout.com

Of course our current situation has plenty of more nuances to it then I could write here without this post ending up the length of a novel. Basically the sleep deprived me felt like a great big failure for not having a seemingly untouched energy back-up, for not being totally fine with spending huge chunks of my days without Fabian (or ironically not having any me-time), for not feeling like exercising, for only craving dark chocolate and sourdough bread and having the urge to guzzle down liters of green tea, for being oceans away from feeling womanly sensual or sexy and for not accomplishing ”enough” in my company. Can anyone relate? When the drive to be more & more effective overrides remembering that all is well and when productive trumps being still and breathe in the flippin’ amazing love that we are – That’s when we really need to stop. Or you know, preferably weeks earlier as prevention rocks. Can we agree that a Super Woman-ish ideal is incredibly stupid? If we keep comparing our lives and accomplishments to those of others we’ll all be failures simply because not one life or soul is meant to look exactly like another. I am thankful for and celebrating being Elenore and I am thankful for my outer identities too, as a woman, a mother, a daughter, an entrepreneur, a wife and a silly tree hugger. What I’m not is a Superhuman and nor do I really desire to be one.. and yes, I keep needing to remind myself of that last bit.

Let us hold the emotions that surface in difficult times, let us look at them, give them love and attention and let them be teachers (bad-friggin’-ass teachers). Then after a while we can decide how to move in the direction of where we want to be/go/feel/do and what to release. Also, let’s all rest much more as it seems to be an outstanding breeding ground for faith, gratitude, sanity, impromptu kissing (hallelujah to all of those!) …and semi-raw Tropical Celebratory Cheesecakes. Take it from me.

The symbiotic life of a mother and a child, of me and Caspian is the hugest blessing and the biggest challenge. Loving him is a world of it’s own and since I desire to be the best I can for him, I need to take baby steps for a while. Resting while surrounded with Fabians amazing papa moves and Caspians happy squealing. That along with this cake, is my medicine.

One final question:  When did we start thinking that only one or two people can raise a child and still feel superb? Why on earth did we stop raising babies in communities?

Semi-raw, vegan & GF Tropical Cheesecake at www.Earthsprout.com

First Aid Kit

Greenylicious moves to go from exhausted towards ecstatic

We all have the need for our own unique set of medicine when we feel like we’ve hit a wall. Our bodies work in different ways, our diets doesn’t look the same and we prioritize in ways that could look crazy to others. It’s just not possible to make a direct comparison between ones way to feeling great to another. The only similarity is that we all (hopefully) strive to feel whole, lit-up, fierce, energized, loving and fulfilled. To unravel the knots and to BE love pick and mix from the first aid kit below and please share your own outstanding tips in the comments below!

Gratitude - Keeping a gratitude journal isn’t called a major game-changer for nothing. 10 things à day creates a big shift in perception so make this cake and celebrate all good things in your life. This will attract even more of the gratitude loaded wonders. And hey, today I only had the energy to scribble down two things on a post-it and stick it to the fridge and that’s great too!

Adrenal Health - A stress building lifestyle -which let’s face it a lot of us live with today- can easily lead to adrenal fatigue and compromise our well-being. The adrenals produce hormones that regulate metabolism, communicate with our brain, kidneys and reproductive system and when these little friends are stressed and out of balance you can imagine things will get quite kooky. Good hormonal and adrenal health is a part of a whole life including sleep, an anti-inflammatory & non-toxic diet, fun and balanced exercise and relaxation. Adaptogenic herbs and adrenal supplements are a good idea while you identify and work with the root-cause. Read this article on hormonal health that I did a while back if you feel like digging deeper.

Iron - I’ve always been quite low on iron so a focus on iron-rich foods, herbs and sometimes supplementation have been important to feel well for me. Knowing that I haven’t been thinking about getting my iron on enough since Caspian was born I am now onboard the iron-train again and feeling way better.

Good Food + Nutrition - A diet loaded with organic leafy greens, vegetables, fruits, algae, herbs, whole grains, legumes, nuts, seeds and plenty of water is alkalizing, anti-inflammatory and healing. Remember not to rely on low quality sugary foods, gluten, dairy or meat to feel well. If you include things from those categories then choose organic, free-range, local, grass-fed, sourdough. You know the drill. Go as far as you can to make good decisions both for you and for this earth.

Water - A dehydrated body is an even more stressed-out body. Forgetting to drink enough water sure is easily done but it’s as easy to turn around. Start with a Golden Detox Drink upon rising and you’ve set the tone for the day. How much water to drink a day is different from person to person (I know, sigh..) but one guideline is that your pee should be clear and not smelly. If you’re breastfeeding like me, exercising a lot or living where the weather is hot you will need more. Get yourself a beautiful water bottle and keep it around at all times, filled to the top with clean, preferably filtered water with some berries/lemon/cucumber slices or whatever floats your boat. Get creative and water guzzling will be way more fun!

Vitamin C - When we’re stressed for various reasons our body uses much more vitamin C then when we’re feeling good and are in good health. Keeping a close eye on your Vitamin C intake is therefore a good idea as it’ll not only help your body to heal in the situation you are in, it will also prevent any minor hidden inflammations to grow stronger. Sun Salutation Smoothie, yes please!

Ask for help - ”I need help”,  say it out loud and see what feelings it will stir up in you. Do it now, it’ll be interesting, I promise. Whatever situation you are in, just do it, ask for help! If it seems like there is no one to call or turn to, then turn to the universe, seriously. Just putting words on the feeling and getting it out there will lead to positive change. Difficult yes, but still positive. This is a big one for me and I desire to be so very much better at it. I know it takes a village to raise a child and I know we’ll be better parents and partners if we ask for help so we’re working on that.

Don’t let food / internet numb the way you feel - when I’m insanely overwhelmed or tired I’ll sometimes go to the kitchen thinking I need something to eat or I’ll pick up my phone and open some site/app/mail. Then I realize that I’m not hungry and there is really no reason whatsoever to check emails when I ought to be resting or just letting those feelings that feel like too much, come forth. Recognize yourself in this? A better solution is to get some sleep, do some journalling, walk in nature, take a dance break, 5 min meditation (or 60!) or maybe a quiet contemplating shower.

Spirit junkie vs Effectiveness junkie - Like I said before ”When the drive to be more effective overrides remembering that all is well and when the urge to be productive trumps wanting to be still and breathe in the flippin’ amazing love that we are – That’s when we really need to stop. Or you know, preferably weeks earlier as prevention rocks”. Word. Instead of burning the candle at both ends for a seemingly wonderful blast of light, turn to the real light (you!) by tapping into the soul-powered core-you. It’s time we re-learn because stressed-out isn’t either sexy or a part of success.

Forgive yourself - We all carry around a bunch of emotional shit (sorry but you know it’s true) and some of it can make forgiving yourself in various situations harder. When that occurs, identify the why and let it go. It doesn’t have to be yours anymore, it’s just something you’ve picked up along the ride. Yes, it can stir up a lot of guilt or fear (speaking from experience) but in the end you’ll feel so much lighter. I’m in the middle of letting go of a truckload of guilt and triggering situations come every day like ”keeping” Fabian from his job (a weird way of seeing this situation), asking for help, not being as sparkly and filled with energy as I usually am, not being able to do work-athons et.c. Instead of worrying too much about this I can choose to see it as a big sign saying ”you’re ready to drop this now”. I do believe that’s the truth even though it takes some tears and kind assurance. Less crappy baggage = more room for light! Thumbs up!

Walk barefoot - Our precious electric devices, all from vacuum cleaners to Iphones add significantly to our electromagnetic environment, depleting our body of electrons. The abundant supply of electrons coming from the Earth have an antioxidant effects that can protect our body from inflammation and its health consequences. Some of the recent studies around spending time in direct contact with the earth ”Earthing” shows improvement in blood viscosity, heart rate variability, inflammation, cortisol levels, sleep, autonomic nervous system, balance, and reduced effects of stress. Run free and run wild, Mother Earth takes care of us if we let her.

See the miracles - Seeing miracles all around makes for a fast climb up the vibrational ladder and hint, we want that to happen. Waking up to a beautiful spring rain, enjoying a lovely meal with yourself or someone else awesome, diving into the gorgeousness of a Romanesco, wiggling your toes and laughing or catching the smell of the ocean. Whatever it is, it’s a miracle, small or big. See it as one and you’ll have raised your vibration faster then you can say chocolate.

Sleep or rest - Need I say more? Claim your right to rest and to sleep regardless if it’s an actual 2 hour nap in your bed or if it’s a slow stroll in the park, a cuppa with yourself at your fave café, a moment of visualization on the couch or 15 minutes in a hammock. Seize the moment and make it a restful one.

Be honest - Start with being honest with yourself and the other aspects of honesty will follow. Saying no can come up a lot here and that’s ok. No’s are pretty miraculous and a ”no” do not need further explanation. Standing up for yourself will let your truth be based on what You actually feel, not altered with to work with someone else’s feelings or potentially hurt feelings. It all comes together here, if we are honest with ourselves- and I know first hand that it’s tough – we’ll be able to ask for help, rest, see miracles, forgive ourselves, be spirited, feel gratitude and eat and drink in ways that nourish and support us even further. And in the spirit of honesty that this post is all about, I love you.

Semi-raw, vegan & GF Tropical Cheesecake at www.Earthsprout.com

Tropical Celebration Cheesecake

I wanted to keep this semi-raw, vegan and gluten-free cake as close to an ”original” cheesecake flavor wise as possible. The bottom layer of toasted unsweetened shredded coconut + dates works as a brilliant replacement to the ”real” deal (actually this one may be more of a real deal). The cheesecake filling is mainly made of coconut cream and cashews which makes it incredibly smooth and soft and most importantly, it doesn’t have that cashew taste many raw cheesecakes tend to have. Fabians comment to his birthday cake was ”Definitely one of the best things of being married to you”.

Caramel Base
3 cups / 200 g shredded coconut
1 cup (heaping) / 145g dates, pitted
1/4 tsp good quality salt

1. Toast the shredded coconut until golden in a frying pan on medium heat. These easily get burned to stick around and stir constantly to make sure that doesn’t happen.
2. Add toasted coconut flakes, pitted dates and salt to a food processor and mix until a dough has formed. Press evenly into a 7″ spring-form pan (If you don’t have a spring-form pan use a pie plate lined with saran wrap). Refrigerate.

Vanilla Filling
2 cups cashew, soaked for at least 5 hours
2 cans full-fat coconut milk (yields 2 cup coconut cream)
1 tsp pure ground vanilla powder
3 tbsp raw solid honey
a pinch good quality salt
1/4 tsp cardamom
1/2 cup pure water

1. Refrigerate coconut milk for at least 1 hour. Open the cans of coconut milk and scoop the top layer of solid white cream into a blender (save the coconut water on the bottom of the can for smoothies/soups).
2. Give the soaked cashews a rinse and add them + all other ingredients to the blender too. Blend until really smooth. This might take a while and require you pausing and scraping down the filling from the sides of the blender. So with it though. After some time the coconut cream melts and this makes blending much easier.
3. Pour vanilla filling over the bottom layer in your spring form. Freeze for 3-4 hours and eat straight away since it has the perfect cheesecake consistency now and is easy to slice. Either this or you refrigerate after freezing but for no more then 30 minutes otherwise the cake will loose shape a bit. 

Tropical Coulis
1/2 ripe mango
3 passionfruits

1. Prepare the tropical coulis while the cheesecake sits in the freezer and add it to the cheesecake just before serving.
2. Peel mango and divide in two, blend it until smooth by using an immersion blender and lastly add the seeds and flesh of three passionfruits for that extra crunch and flavor.

Notes: This cake stores really well in the freezer so simply store leftovers (leftovers?) in the freezer. Take out and refrigerate at least 2 hours prior to serving. The great thing about this cake is that you can make it days beforehand, freeze and simply put it in the fridge the night before the birthday/celebration without it loosing shape or melt at all meaning you can enjoy it non-frozen like any other ”real” cheesecake. Enjoy and celebrate, gorgeous!

Fabian + Caspian a birthday morning in April 2014

It has taken me 1 week to let this text properly unfold and I hope with all my heart that you’ve found something in here to hold you when you feel overwhelmed. Something little or big that makes it easier to move from exhausted to ecstatic.

Now, togetherness rules so let’s support one another by adding your own glow-tips in the comments below, please.

Ok, I’m off resting and spending love-packed time with my darlings (who’s crawling around -yes, both of em’- all over the house at the moment). I intend to fill the crack that opened up within me with a whole lot of light.

°°Elenore°°
………………………………………

I can’t wait to see your take on this cake! Please share them with us by adding the hashtag #earthsprout on Instagram!

 

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78 Comments

  1. Madeleine
    12 april, 2014

    Hey Elenore,

    I just wanted to say that I have been following your blog for a long time and I think this is your best article yet! You speak from the heart and you speak the truth- it’s so refreshing.

    Trying to be superwoman is so hard; I too am trying, failing and trying some more. But don’t get too down on yourself!

    I’m sending many happy and sleepy vibes your way, much love from Australia.

    Reply
  2. danijela
    12 april, 2014

    I am a mother to a 3 year old boy. Few months before he was born, we have moved to the Swiss mountains, far away from our family and friends. Even though we live in the most beautiful area to raise a kid, with pure mountain water, animals, fresh air, clean rivers and sees, my own organic garden… after a year of being a mom, I felt completely broken. It was not the lack of sleep (my boy sleeps the whole night since he was 2 months old), it was the lack of time-alone for me, I guess. Not having anyone to whom I could give my boy for a few hours is heavy. After 3 years I have made some friends here, so the life is getting a bit easier now. Elenore, you are not alone! Thank you for sharing your life with us. I am sure your first aid kit will help a lot of tired mamas.
    danijela

    Reply
  3. Lane | Green Spirit Adventures
    12 april, 2014

    Oh Elenore, I truly cannot find the words to express how much I adore you and this blog. Every new post leaves me beyond excited, feeling refreshed and happy and ecstatic for life and all of its beauty and adventures. I thank you so much for sharing these personal pieces of your life. I may not be a mother but this post and your beautiful first-aid kit made my heart sing. I wish I could think of something to add to it – but my, you’ve covered it all!
    I’m sending you tons of love and hugs and hoping you get all of the sleep, rest and relaxation that you need! All the best wishes to you and your beautiful family, and thank you again, from the very bottom on my heart, for what you do – I can definitely say that since finding Earthsprout about a year ago my life has changed in the most ecstatic ways!

    Reply
  4. Sini | my blue&white kitchen
    12 april, 2014

    Such an honest & brave post and a gorgeous cake! Thanks, Elenore.

    Reply
  5. lacy davis
    12 april, 2014

    Thank you so much for your honesty! I think it’s important to remember that you can be a strong, healthy and gorgeous role model and STILL struggle. If anything, being so open with your readers only helps us.

    Reply
  6. amelie
    12 april, 2014

    Hjärta hjärta <3

    Reply
  7. Laura Bray
    12 april, 2014

    Oh, this was such a beautiful and timely post! I think you really nailed it with this one – the gratitude journal is huge for me. To take it even further, I recently watched a show that mentioned the value of journaling in detail about one positive experience each day – this is more elaborate, but it helps your brain ”reframe”. Anyway, gorgeous and well written, as always!

    Kindest,
    Laura

    Reply
  8. Steffi
    12 april, 2014

    Dearest Elenore,

    thank you so much for this honest yet still positive and inspiring post! I’ve followed your blog for a long time and really appreciate your mindful, high-spirited and enthusiastic approach to life.
    We expect our first child in June, so I don’t feel like being able to share more tipps than you did in your post. You covered exactly what came to my mind when thinking about the challenges of motherhood! In our hypnobirthing session yesterday we were talking about letting go fears, goals and self-images that don’t longer serve yourself – I’m sure that every single tear is worth crying when you invision the stronger, wiser and more self-caring woman you are going to be. So keep your track, allow yourself to slow down and heal! Sending you sunshine, deep breathing and loving thoughts from Southern Germany

    Steffi

    Reply
  9. The naked fig
    12 april, 2014

    This looks out of this world!

    Reply
  10. The Vegan Cookie Fairy
    12 april, 2014

    I read this blog post from start to finish. Tip of the hat to you for being so honest about it – I can only imagine how hard it must be to keep going with so little sleep. I hope things get easier for you xoxo

    Reply
  11. Teele
    12 april, 2014

    This is exactly what I needed to read today. Thank YOU for taking time to share with the world your experiences that so many mum’s go through – including me.

    Managing with all the emotions and tasks of being a first time mum is a huge thing, especially in the societies where, as you said, kids are not raised by community anymore. Adding to that constant sleep deprivation and running a business… Even if they would be an actual Supermum out there, and if she would have to do what you do, I bet she would also feel still like she needs to have a good cry every now and then just to manage!

    You are an inspiration!

    Reply
  12. Erin
    12 april, 2014

    Thank you for these lovely words + the lovely recipe. Your story resonates with me even though I’m not a mother. The first aid kit is genius …and you really covered all of the bases. I was led to this post by your Instagram and I must say I have been thinking a lot on this word – truth – lately. Thank you for broadcasting yours! I think it’s so easy to try to cover up the mess with our external, carefully-curated identities when we wish things were more polished and perfected in our internal lives. This post is a great example of how, by sharing your truth, you inspire others to do the same.

    Reply
  13. Lindsay @ Healthy Mama Love
    12 april, 2014

    I completely understand where you’re coming from. I am 6 months pregnant with my first child, and it can totally mess with your head. I try to be strong, calm, and loving as much as I can, but sometimes the crazies just attack and all of the what-ifs come out. Parenthood can be totally overwhelming! The life and future of a perfect little person is in our hands, and every decision we make affects them! I have been in your shoes so many times in the last few months. All we can do is forgive ourselves for being human, and give ourselves that peace and love that we need.

    Love you, girl. Thank you so much for sharing. :)

    Reply
  14. Hellen
    12 april, 2014

    Beautiful amazing Elenor!!! You brought a (yes sleep deprived!) tear to my eye …. I have an amazing 8 month old daughter who also does not sleep through ever!! I totally understand and love love love your honesty and wisdom here…. You are a beautiful light in this world and a link for us all raisng children in our modern ‘community less’ ways…. I wish you all some times of peace and relaxation … You are always enough… Just by simply being… No need for superwoman stereotypes … We are women and we are super … Always … These times are also our greatest blessings… Lessons of life that help us to grow and blossom … Motherhood is an incredible excelerated learninng full of ups and downs carried along by love… Love at it’s most potent …. And I love you!!!!! Many blessings sister xxxxxxxx

    Reply
  15. Judith
    12 april, 2014

    Dear Elenore,
    I just want to send you a huge hug! What a beautiful article! It resonates with me in so many ways. And I’m asking the same question: when did we stop raising babies in communities?! That’s definitely something to work on in the future ;-) Until then, I wish you all the strength you need and the braveness to allow yourself to be ”weak” to reconnect to your inner self.
    Much love,
    Judith

    Reply
  16. Linda
    12 april, 2014

    Dear Eleanore,
    I am joining Judith and the others who’ve left a comment for a collective hug. Your story resonates so much with me! I gave birth to a little (half!) swedish baby last year. Not to mention that I am a freelancer and work from home as well :)
    My son is now 14 months old and I can count on one hand the nights he slept trough :) I am currently trying to stop breastfeeding during the night as I believe that’s the reason he wakes up. It’s though (as I am even more sleep-deprived) but I hope i will be easier for both of us on the long-term.
    I am from Africa and I remember being pregnant and my (european) friend telling me: ”you’ll see, when you’ll give birth, you’ll only want to be left alone with your baby”. I doubted her then, but when I gave birth, I was really craving being surrounded by my loved-ones. Thankfully, my mum came all the way from Africa to stay with me for 2 weeks (my husband didn’t get any parental leave as we were not living in Sweden then). Then relatives and friends just kept coming for the next 2 months. When I look back I feel blessed, because although I was surrounded with love and got so much help. However, I felt incredibly lonely inside. I don’t know how I would have managed if I had been truly alone at home. To me you are a superwoman! We really are.

    Reply
    • Linda
      12 april, 2014

      Sorry for misspelling your name!

      Reply
  17. Helen
    12 april, 2014

    Hey Eleanor,

    Sending peace and light your way. I know what its like to be constantly asking yourself questions about life and not giving yourself the time to just say I am enough right now and this right here is enough :-) and I know first hand what courage it takes to ask for help even when to everyone else it looks like you’ve got it all together. Here is an amazing TED talk by Dr Libby. Not sure if you’ve seen it, but she touches on the point of women living up to superhuman expectations and how we put too much pressure on ourselves.

    Sending you Aroha (Love) from New Zealand
    Helen

    Reply
    • Helen
      12 april, 2014

      ooops sorry forgot to copy link :-)

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJ0SME6Z9rw

      Reply
      • Claire | Claire's Holistic Pursuits
        14 april, 2014

        Helen!

        I was thinking of this video when I was reading your amazing post Eleanor.

        I hope you get a chance to watch for I feel it confirms spot on what you are talking about here.

        Wow the job we have of juggling being and doing if all.

        You are just doing an incredible job.

        Claire xo

        Reply
  18. Frances
    12 april, 2014

    Thank you for writing so honestly and from the heart.

    I have an eight month old boy who is the love and light of my life… He has also breastfed roughly every 30 mins – 3 hours day and night since he was born. I have just read your latest post after waking up dehydrated and exhausted from a night of constant feeding and being too tired to get up and drink water (bad of me I know! I was just too tired). It is a LOT of work feeding him while remembering to feed myself too, even with an AMAZING parter on board.

    Hearing like-minded mamas speak openly about their struggles makes a huge difference to how we all feel. Debunking the ‘perfect mama’ image is so important. We are all human and we all struggle sometimes.

    I have been loving your blog and app as daily inspiration to remember how important it is to eat for energy, especially through this time of new-motherhood, and growing another person using my own body’s nutritional stores. THANK YOU xx

    Reply
  19. Henrik
    12 april, 2014

    Ja din sista fråga (eller svar snarare) är något jag länge undrat över. Vad är det som är så lockande med tanken på den isolerade kärnfamiljen som gör att så många håller så hårt i den? När jag tagit upp med mina flickvänner att jag helst skulle vilja att mina barn växer upp i ett kollektiv av något slag så har jag oftast mötts med motstånd.
    Kanske är det hårt inpräntade ideal och fördomar. Men jag tror också att det är en rädsla för att inte längre få vara den centrala punkten i sina barns liv.

    Och detta samtidigt som de flesta verkar tycka att det är en mänsklig rättighet för två personer att både yrkesarbeta på heltid och ha barn ihop. Jag förstår inte vem som fick för sig att den ekvationen skulle gå ihop. Svaret finns i facit under utbrändhet och otrygga barn.
    Det var väl inte riktigt det som var tanken med den kvinnliga frigörelsen.

    Men jag är hoppfull om framtiden. Vi blir allt fler som ser vad som verkligen saknas oss och som ser en bättre väg. Även om vi kanske inte vet riktigt hur vi ska staka ut den. Men det är ok. Det får ta tid. Vi får glida runt som Bambi på hal is ett tag.

    Det gör så ont i mig att höra att du tömt dig så mycket. Men jag förstår så väl att det blivit så. Lika stort som ditt behov är att ge av din kärlek, skapa, prestera, sprudla livskraft. Lika stort är ditt behov av att vända dig inåt, omsluta dig i ditt eget rum, reflektera och bara andas. Och det där allvaret och svärtan som jag känt i dig måste ju få ta sin plats den med.
    Och allt det när det finns ett litet liv som är helt beroende av din uppmärksamhet, din famn och din näring. Något av det finaste som finns men också något som kan uppsluka hela ens existens.

    Hoppas ni lyckas skapa mer utrymme för återhämtning. Jag vet hur det är att tömma sig helt på livskraft och det skulle krossa mitt hjärta om du hamnade där.
    Du är en sån värdefull gåva Elenore.

    Finns det något jag kan göra för dig så säg bara till. Och behöver du prata, allvar eller strunt, så vet du vart jag finns. :)

    All värme och kärlek,
    Henrik

    Reply
  20. Brittany
    12 april, 2014

    Hi Eleanor,

    This post so truly beautiful and eye opening. I am about to become a first time mummy and this post has reassured me that I don’t need to be Superwoman.
    Thank you for this post, Eleanor and I hope you are feeling more relaxed and renewed after well needed rest.

    Brittany.

    Reply
  21. Jenny
    13 april, 2014

    Oh my God, you have put into words exactly how I felt after a few months of sleep depravation! Except I didn’t ask for help but kept a facade of being a well balanced, happy mother. Inside of me I cried and I couldn’t feel real happiness and I also felt extremely lonely. I was also angry at my partner because he didn’t understand how I felt. But how could he, when I didn’t tell him? Instead I acted out, making our lives miserable. I focused on everything bad and sad and felt even worse. Good for you that you asked for help! We need to break down the facades and let other people give us their help! Big hug and lots of love and light! <3

    Reply
  22. Jodi
    13 april, 2014

    This is just beautiful, Elenore! Even in these moments, your positivity and energy shines through. I am not a mom, yet, but if more people shared what you are going through then we would all a much more realistic idea of what to expect. That, in fact,it will be hard. And that, no, we can’t do it all. So hard to admit, but so, so needed. Thank you for your honesty!

    oh yeah, and what a stunning cake!

    xx

    Reply
  23. Camilla
    13 april, 2014

    Modigt och starkt. Tack för stjärnskimrande ärlighet!
    Sårbar är stark, på riktigt.❤️

    Reply
  24. Susanna
    13 april, 2014

    Sending light, love and raw vegan cheesecake bliss your way xxx

    Reply
  25. ema
    13 april, 2014

    I have been thinking a lot about womanhood and what differentiates us from men..
    One thing is that women feel guilt every day, while men hardly do. We’ll feel guilty for not getting up early enough, for not achieving everything on our to-do list, for not helping everyone around us enough, for eating that extra helping of cake…

    Women are so multitalented and amazing at juggling, we achieve soo much but so often forget to forgive ourselves for running out of energy. If only we could be more like men and say hey im tired, im going to sit down now.

    Im also trying to compile a first aid kit for such moments, including ‘things to be thankful for’, meditation and remembering to BReathe, sunlight and not turning to the typical crutches of sugar, caffeine, alcohol..
    Much better is a lovely juicy pear, incense and a hot bath to say hello to yourself again.

    Good luck to you so much with your beautiful Caspian, you are a true inspiration!

    (ps you really are a wonderwoman if you made such an amazing cake even when feeling a shadow of your former self!)

    XxxEma

    Reply
  26. Sabine
    13 april, 2014

    Dear Eleonore,
    Thank you so much for your honesty!
    I recognise so much. I’m a gratefull mom of three (8, 7 & 3years old). And every now and than I have to be honest to myself and admit that I can’t do everything (perfect). And that the only one who thinks that it has to be perfect is me!
    Some sleep and me-time do wonders. And of course all those hugs from my loved ones. Take care of yourself with love and be loved and all will turn out well.
    Wishing you all the best with love,
    Sabine

    Reply
  27. Maria
    13 april, 2014

    Thank you dear Eleanor.
    Becoming a mom is the truly the most wonderful thing.
    Becoming a light filled, calm, well rested and selfless, temporarily less ambitious, loving and energetic mom and being ok with everything takes time, and help, lots of help.
    Some of us are not so lucky, but if you are able to have a moment and find that crack to fill up with light, luster and revel in it and take your time and fore most, do. not. feel . guilty about it.
    Your son is beautiful, so are you. Thank you for filling my life with Golden Detoxes and medicinal chocolate milks, my little rays of light in my life as a brand new mom.

    Reply
  28. Laura
    13 april, 2014

    CRAZY how much this resonates with me! Right down to the broken dishwasher and seedlings!! So reassuring to realise (again) that all of us are the same and use the same coping strategies to get through hard times… But you have managed to go 10 steps further by acknowledging the futility of pretence and giving others opportunity to help themselves.

    Thank you for another truthful beautiful post, it always feels like I’m reading my own thoughts when I read your blog.

    Go bask in the light and relief of having written all this out and shared it with so many.

    Loads of love from Ireland,

    L x

    Reply
  29. Jo
    13 april, 2014

    Oh sweetheart! You have spoken for thousands of women who are feeling similar emotions to you I’m sure, and your raw honesty and vulnerability is a beautiful thing to have shared. So many of us carry on pushing these feelings into the background, trying to be the super-mum juggling so many balls in the air. It can’t go on for ever until something has to give! Fern has never slept through the night, and I’ve had many spells of feeling overwhelmed and seriously sleep-deprived. I also used to get alot more done when she was tiny and she would sleep alot more in the day, though as she gets older, my ‘me time’ gets less and she wants my attention every waking moment! It’s exhausing yet wonderful, and I wouldn’t change it. What I have had to change is expecting my ‘to-do’ list to get done when I want it to, setting much more realistic work-goals based around the very limited time I have, and asking for help (biggest tip ever!) I’m ever grateful for my mum who is able to care for Fern a few mornings a week whilst I catch up. Instead of starting off the day with a list of jobs to accomplish, I now wake up next to my baby with a huge (sleepy) grin and get covered in kisses, and start off the day slowly by spending time in Nature with her. It’s perfect. These little ones are such teachers when it comes to slowing down and seeing the beauty in the little things
    You’re doing amazing things Elenore, and the most important thing you focus on right now is being the best you for sweet Caspian and sharing his joyfull moments with him. I completely feel for you and am sending you some sleepy dust and reminding you that this won’t last forever! You have pretty much covered all of the tips I could possibly think of to help cope with difficult mumma times. We all know what works for us and are our own best teachers. Don’t feel guilty for putting anyone else out for feeling exhausted (I’m sure Fabian 100% understands!)and use this time to take all of the rest you need and explore those thoughts around your future. Big shifts are bound to happen!
    From one tired mumma to another I wish I could come over and give you a big hug right now! (oh, and share a slice of that beautiful cake too!) xxx

    Reply
  30. Briar
    13 april, 2014

    Sending you so much love, sweet Elenore! Your honesty and courage are so inspiring.

    Reply
  31. Maaike
    14 april, 2014

    Oh Elenore, how good of you to share this! A lot of people only share the positive site of life, but the struggle with difficult things in life learns us about ourselfs, about your loved ones and makes us a better, more true person.

    Even without being a mum I can related to your struggle. Since two weeks I am back from a travel adventure of three months. When I was away of my normal live I realized that I spend so much time and energy in wanting to do everything perfect (fulltime job, exercise, healthy cooking, social live, boyfriend, family…) I asked mysef why I want to be perfect, why do I demand so much from myself? I am happy with who I am so why not show it to the world and be proud of my flaws?

    Now I am back in my normal life the urgue to be superwoman creeps back again. In order to be happy with who I am and stay my true self I read this quote of Nassim Nicholas Taleb.

    ”In refusing to run to catch trains, I have felt the true value of elegance and aesthetics in behavior, a sense of being in control of my time, my schedule, and my life. Missing a train is only painful if you run after it. Likewise, not matching the idea of success others expect from you is only painful if that’s what you are seeking. You stand above the rat race and the pecking order, not outside it, if you do so by choice.”

    By being my true self I am superwoman enough! And for sharing this honest post you are superwoman to all of us!

    Sending you sleep, energy and love, Maaike

    Reply
  32. Susana
    14 april, 2014

    Hi Elenore!

    I’ve been following your blog for quite some time now and it’s impressive how, even being so far apart (me in Portugal, you… I don’t know quite where, but imagine it’s in some place fabulous with nature all around), I keep feeling so close to you everytime I read your posts.

    This post was no different. It was one the most beautiful articles you’ve ever written. Thank you (and Fabian) so much for sharing what’s going on in your personal world.

    It’s inspiring and, since I’m pregnant, I’m going to remember these words you wrote, so that I don’t try to be a superwoman when I have my prince or princess (still don’t know which one it is!). :)

    You’re a strong a beautiful woman. Keep on being just the way you are and you’ll be doing the world enormous good!

    Love,
    Susana

    Reply
  33. Frances
    14 april, 2014

    Dear Elenore,

    Thank you for the gift you have shared with us all – such a beautiful, honest and brave post. Showing our own vulnerability is perhaps one of the kindest things we can do for those around us.

    You are a wonderful mother and person and like you say – would never want to be superhuman.

    As a mother-to-be (in 2 months) and a fellow business owner, your thoughts and feelings really resonated with me, they remind me of a post I wrote myself last week in a moment of ‘overwhelmed-ness’. (Please don’t think I am plugging my own business, as it is far more personal than that) http://abelorganics.com/2014/04/08/are-we-there-yet/

    Take care of yourself and your family
    Frances x

    Reply
  34. Suus
    14 april, 2014

    Dear Elenore,

    Thank you so much for writing this. I totally agree that things are sometimes just too much, that everyone should be a superwoman or men with al life packed with highlights. We need to travel, have a carreer, a perfect house, 100 friends, work out, eat organic, have childeren etc. etc. I love this quote wich i found on pinterest (oh we ought to have many followers too ;)) ‘Going back to a simpler life is not a step backwards’
    Thank you for sharing, i think that so many people can relate to this and sometimes just need to hear, hey it’s oke!

    xo Suus from Food Bandits

    Reply
  35. emma gatehouse
    14 april, 2014

    dearest, darling, wonderful, strong, clever and very human Elenore: your words mean so much. For me, reading your blogs is often my sanity – and now the tears are starting to well. You remind us all out here that we are all only human and do the best we can – but you are right: every mama feels like this a lot of the time and we feel a lot of guilt for doing so. we are all strong, wonderful women questioning life and how we may raise these tiny wonders that are our children to the best of our ability – particularly when we feel so blah and vulnerable.. we have very high expectations of ourselves and are our own worst critics. In fact, I can imagine that every mama that subscribes to this extraordinary blog of yours is not only an extraordinary mama – but is united in raising the most good, kind, compassionate, planet-adoring wondrous next generation. All bc, in this crazy hectic age, we are connected through this crazy, hectic web that let’s us find sparkling, twinkling, bright stars like you, on this big, crazy, wonderful planet we all share. Much love and happy, sparkly-ness to you and your darling family. Hang in there, brave girl. All will be well. XXXX

    Reply
  36. Postelein
    14 april, 2014

    Dear Elenore,

    Thank you for sharing that you do crave sourdough and dark chocolate! My third child is three months now and it brings tears to my eyes reading your post, while I’m lying in bed with my iPad, surrounded by clothes, toys, empty coffee cups, trying to sort out what needs to be done before Easter…and constantly forgetting the last thought due to my foggy breast feeding brain.
    It’s perfect how life sends us what’s needed, always. Just taking it right sometimes is difficult….
    It feel so light that we are all in the same boat, less alone with the challenges of this time.
    Your post shows that you are far from being out of your core self, it feels like the essence of you. Very (!) grounded and centered! full of love.

    Thank you for your inspiring truth; in my next post I feel like showing a picture of my kitchen, how it looks behind the camera after a proper green-smoothie-photo-session :-)

    Have a lovely day – svenja

    Reply
  37. Michelle @LALLnutrition
    14 april, 2014

    Wow what a post – hugs your way for sure :) I am not a mum yet (soon I hope!) but I resonate with this post a lot. I am an entrepreneur too and have many other titles and feel I must keep it all together but I have learned that in times of chaos it is best to stop drop and sit still. It’s still a working process for me but the more I do it the more I crave it when I am go go going.

    Of course eating in a nutritionally sound way helps, sleeping enough

    Reply
  38. Michelle @LALLnutrition
    14 april, 2014

    my post got cut off!

    ….and asking for help are amazing too :0

    Thanks again for sharing. I think showing vulnerability is the real ‘super’ woman because that can be the hardest thing!

    ~M xoxo

    Reply
  39. Mel
    14 april, 2014

    Dear Elenore, I have three young children and your post has brought tears to my eyes. I have often felt exactly as you have described in your post! Becoming a mother is amazing beyond words, however it can also be extraordinarily challenging and relentless. Your little boy is so lucky to have such an honest and inspiring mama. Sending love and strength from the other side of the world x

    Reply
  40. Sanna
    14 april, 2014

    Åh Elenore. Idag blir mina tvillingar 11 månader och jag har tagit hand om dem själv sedan deras pappa började jobba igen efter 2.5 mån. (vi hjälps åt så fort han kommer hem och på nätterna, men mjölken sinade på en gång :() Det har verkligen varit kaos, plus att vi flyttade samma vecka de föddes. Känner precis igen det där med sömnbristen, mathållningen, känslor inför motion och sensualitet. Alla måste-fixa tankar som får hjärnan att bara spinna runt.
    Hoppas att lilla skogsprinsen sover längre stunder snart, våra brukar faktiskt sova 4-5 h i sträck, och det gör mycket jfr 2h..

    Kramar från en annan trött men glad mamma
    ps. du är en fantastisk mamma och inspiratör!

    Reply
  41. Krista
    14 april, 2014

    My lovely Bennedine just turned 9 months. My husband is a farmer and needed to get back to work rather quickly. It was very hard on him. The first day I was alone with her was when she was a week old. I remember doing the laundry- cleaning, cooking- keeping the house up like I use to, and taking care of our animals. At the end of the day when my husband came home I was mean and had a teary break down. Turns out I had forgotten to eat or drink water… All day. There is definitely a minimum of housework I try to do now, because catching up is harder than just doing it (my partner is amazing and we’re a team in this, but I’m
    Home all day and he’s not). But at 9 months, I cuddle with her and read a book or nap most days. I clean with her when she’s awake and when she’s asleep I sleep or rest. Now that it’s summer I go and work outside if I want to- but I love doing that with her! Buy yourself a wrap and show caspian how you live your life. Pause your life when he’s sleeping. Really. 9 months old and as I write this im cuddling with her as she’s fast asleep. Sleep is no joke. It will never be perfect- but rest when he rests. For as long as you need to. 9 months and I have no shame! I’m much better rested and a better partner because of it. Love to you and your family. You’re doing such a great job. Caspian is so lucky to have you- you’re setting a great model for him.

    Reply
  42. Ivelina
    14 april, 2014

    Dear Elenore, your pieces of advice are as simple as they are glorious. You’ve put into words feelings we all have so well, our insecurity and fears we live with every day! And guilt, yes, guilt can be so overpowering… Sometimes little can help a lot and we are the ones who can take this step. I loved the part about gratitude. Give yourself the rest you need so that you can be the sparkling Elenore your family loves and keep on inspiring us!

    Reply
  43. Espinoza
    14 april, 2014

    Reading your blog makes me go back to my own meltdowns
    :)

    You are human and this is okay. I feel like ”Super Hero Mom’s” are an image from the past as times now have changed.

    I have a two year old daughter and I try to tell myself:

    - let the dishes pile up
    - let the dog hair not get cleaned daily (for that matter every 3 days)
    - allow yourself some ”me” time once a week and just remove yourself and allow you to sink into what you love.
    - Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are doing a great job!
    - and one last thing…….she will make a mess, it will spill all over and it’s okay.

    Reply
  44. Paige
    14 april, 2014

    Elenore,

    Everyone hits the wall at some point or another. Especially for those of us who think we are superwoman. Children will bring you to your lowest points and your highest and the highs will always far outweigh the lows. Feel better and take care of yourself.

    Reply
  45. Jennifer
    14 april, 2014

    Thank you for your truth-filled words ! So nice to see such realness and that you are serving by just being YOU! What an amazing blog ! LOVE and more love to you and your sweet family .

    Reply
  46. Melissa
    14 april, 2014

    So, I thought the walking barefoot idea was fascinating until I put it on Facebook, had the mick taken out on me and my boyfriend now thinks I’m going crazy…

    Reply
  47. Bevelyn
    14 april, 2014

    Hello Elenore,

    You’ve depicted my last couple of weeks entirely! I’m not a mother just yet, but I did feel far away from myself–feeling the remnants of busy weeks, doing vacant tasks and inflaming my hormonal imbalance with yes, chocolate and bread. I didn’t nurture my womanly goodness, so in hiding away I did just that. What I loooove, just love is massaging my head with coconut oil down to the ends of my tresses. I feel my roots spring up :} the cool feeling on my head, with every hair soaking up coconut nutrients that does something and tunes up my spirit. Once again then am I supremely myself. I wish you well and hope it helps…

    Bevelyn

    Reply
  48. Johannes
    14 april, 2014

    Dear parents

    We have a 2.5 year old daughter. I could feel a strong connection with most everything you wrote, and I am the papa, not the mama…. I started thinking about solutions and wanted to offer suggestions, which I have heard is a typical male thing to do, rather than just giving empathy, which I think is what you wanted the most. I was therefore so relieved to see your final questions, with your own answer to it… This is also my answer, exactly what I wanted to say. I strongly believe we need people around us, close by, that be a community or a large/extended family, to give support and relief, to ensure we get enough sleep and rest in the early years of the child, and also for offering a social environment for the child to develop and play in later on, as an alternative or addition to institutions far away from home.

    Thank you, and the best of luck to you in making your intentions crystal clear.

    Hilsen
    Johannes

    Reply
  49. sasha
    14 april, 2014

    Hey, thanks for writing this. I am not a mother as have chosen a different path but I can still relate, just in a different way. Mainly becuase a) I am a mental health nurse and b) I have had monents in my life where the outer melts away as I have been not taking care of the inner.
    I think we want to be strong, have a core that protects us but we are alone, frightend and cant cope at times and hey here’s the news ‘ thats normal’, its ok not to be this photo shopped super woman at times who is baking,running a company, surronded by friends laughing, having sex every night, staying up till 4 am and then still looking wonderful- I mean who is that person??

    Being able to say ‘ I need some help here’ whether it is to ourselves or to others is to be brave

    Reply
  50. Eddy
    14 april, 2014

    Elenore, Thank you for being vulnerable and reminding yourself and everyone else that is what being human is about. It takes courage to be in that position. Sending stardust and moonlight your way to sleep upon or shower in- your choice:) Your blog is beautiful and so is the Easter cake!! Just reminding you of what you already know about your work.

    Best to you!

    Reply
  51. Tosha
    15 april, 2014

    You are so very lovely, Elenore. Honest, youthful but so very wise. I have three boys and I have been there. My last two were fifteen months apart and I don’t think I quite remember those days because of the fatigue. But, I came out on the other end just fine and you will too, darling girl. One day at a time. Ask for help and rest whenever you see a sliver of a moment to chill and even take a warm bath. The love will get you through it……From one boy mom to another, there is no other relationship like it. Divinely special, challenging at times, crazy making and a tender connection that will melt your heart whenever you think of them. Lucky you….Thank you for sharing and inspiring me to share too. You are going to settle in soon. XOXO!

    Reply
  52. Beth
    15 april, 2014

    How I wish You could have been time warped to 34 years ago when I, too, was having sleep deprived meltdowns after my first son was born. Your words are perfect, and all of us here receive the gifts of your hard won wisdom. Thank you and many blessings to you and your beautiful family.

    Reply
  53. Nat @ the Apple Diaries
    15 april, 2014

    This cheesecake looks so ridiculously good Elenore! And your little boy is just far too cute :)

    Reply
  54. Sally-Ann
    15 april, 2014

    Dear Elenore… thank you so much for your honesty. You are such a brave and inspiring ray of sunshine in this world and Im so sorry that you have been going thru all you have. Whenever in overwhelm, I too find that keeping a gratitude journal and even listening to a guided meditation for 5 minutes helps me immensely. Also the power of a hug… I find a warm all-embrasing hug, that lasts for 30 seconds or more, lifts my spirits. All the best to you and your beautiful family in gaining all the support you may need in the future xx

    Reply
  55. Lina
    15 april, 2014

    Dear Elenore, the cake is great, but your words are even better :) I’m sending you some love and support! I basically agree on all your tips, just would add going to the nature and spending few hours (or days better!) wandering, listening, picking herbs etc., nature gives us so much energy. Getting a massage can be a quick remedy as well :)

    Reply
  56. ana margarida
    15 april, 2014

    Thank you Elena from my heart! I am a new mom (with no comunity/family nearby to help) of a sweet and lovely 6 months girl who also sleeps no more than 2h30-3h00, i am breasthfeeding on demand – which i love – but also makes me exausted and feeling i´m in a rollercoaster of emotions, doubts and fears. Your words make me feel i am not alone bringing me such a warm light! Gratefull for putting into beautiful and loving words what i am also going through and sharing so simple and needed tips to take care of ourselves. Deeply gratefull!!!

    Reply
  57. Erin
    16 april, 2014

    Oh how I wish that you and your babe lived next door to me in a community of families that supported each other through these whirlwind moments of early mamahood! I have a beautiful 14 week old boy who seems to help me forget the numerous night wakings when he throws me the first smile every morning…we’ll not totally forget… I completely agree that these experiences/feelings/emotions are not talked about enough in our culture. I put so much pressure on myself to find a way to be productive again. When i do stay home all day with him and get nothing done I give myself such a hard time. I feel like so many moms grin and say it’s all a precious dream (which there are moments when it is, many of them) though some days I feel so irritable trying to be a normal human being in any shape or form! I’ll find myself getting annoyed with people over the simplist things during the weeks I feel more sleep deprived. Like I could cry looking in the mirror at myself. People ask me what I’ve been doing & my mind goes blank thinking back on half done projects or days that go by in a flash. There seems to be no answer, no logical or linear way to fix these things. Being a women and a mother In our culture makes us relearn everything we’ve taught ourselves about life and how to live it. I am gratefully working on my ability to surrender and be easy on myself during this magical and brief time. Going into each day with acceptance, finding those moments to breathe and look into my sons eyes makes me feel playful and alive. If only someone could cook us amazing food like you make and clean my house up while checking my emails and doing odd tasks for me while I did this…oh well. It’s a beautiful and crazy ride for sure, like nothing else. Thank you for your honesty. I just said to a friend the other day when it took hours to get my son to bed ” I think I’m doing everything wrong, I feel like all the moms have perfectly sleeping babies and I’m failing at this” . Now I know I’m not. Sending you love patience and moments of clarity earth mama.

    Reply
  58. Liz B
    17 april, 2014

    Dearest Elenore,

    Sending so much love and support for you!! My closest friends are all feeling this and even myself without a baby but going through a difficult breakup can relate to these words OH SO TRUE!! You are the most strongest woman to put this out there and as you can see and read the worlds is with you :))
    As you said the hardest thing I’ve felt is actually saying I need help.. But people are there and most likely going through it all too on their level and be able to help and support others is often so nourishing and great for us too xxx
    Lots and lots of love xxx
    Liz

    Reply
  59. Ondina Maria
    17 april, 2014

    I can totally relate to it, just without the baby. 5 years ago I totally burnt out and then was time (in the form of a sick-leave) to stop and reestablish my energies, my focus, myself. Lately I have been feeling pretty tired as well and I have decided to cut all superficial things from my life in other to have more time to rest and more time to spend with myself.
    Thank you for sharing your feelings :)

    Reply
  60. Samantha
    19 april, 2014

    I’m in much the same place as you, being a new mother and working FT in a suburb that takes 3 hours of daily driving. Thank you for your frankness xx

    Reply
  61. Yuensum
    20 april, 2014

    Our Eleanor,
    Thank you for sharing your emotion with us! It must be a very difficult moment for you! I hope you feel much after writing it down! I just went through similar journey like yours in the last two months. Lack of sleep, lack of energy send lack of accomplishment all would make us down easily! As you’ve already pointed out that the expectation of yourself contributed a great deal of stress! I wouldn’t call it a failure but it’s surely an experience that we’ve learned. Although it’s a path that we walk on, we will continue to tread that to its limit which makes us women as a super human!

    Let’s toast for your quick recovery and lots of positive vibe, kisses and hugs sent to your way!

    Your grateful reader,
    Yuensum

    Reply
  62. Nina
    20 april, 2014

    READ THE CONTINUUM CONCEPT!

    Att ligga i en bur utan mänsklig kroppskontakt kan vara väldigt skrämmande när man är en liten bebis som varken kan röra sig eller ställa sig upp.

    De skriker och gråter inte utan anledning. Barn/bebisar känner vad de behöver och det bör de få. Att de blir bortskämda och ouppfostrade av sådant beteende är bullshit.
    De blir bortskämda osv. om föräldrarna låter dem göra precis vad det vill, barn vill ha a guiding person och kärlek, inte bestraffning och vara självständiga innan de ens vet vad detta ordet innebär. Tror jag. Good luck! Ni kommer att fixa det! :)

    Reply
    • Nina
      21 april, 2014

      Continuum Concept av Jean Liedloff!

      Reply
  63. Jade
    22 april, 2014

    Elenore! This article is so fantastic.
    Here you bring exceptional courage and willingness to be vulnerable, and not only is it a food to our love and truth-hungry souls, but you are also leading the way for a new age of us all coming together, and of integrating our light and our darkness, our humanity and divinity, our fear and love. In these times of huge change for humanity, we’re all going through some major, oh major challenges, and they hit the deepest wounds and unleash the biggest, darkest emotions. And by being a loving mirror, willing to embrace your own shadows, you allow us to do the same, with love and the knowing that we are all in this together.
    You are a true wonder and it is such an honor and a pleasure to be sharing your journey. What a gorgeous family. What sacred work you do here.
    Lots of love.

    Reply
  64. Linda
    24 april, 2014

    Dear Elenore,

    In a world where everyone is doing so much and making it look so perfect on the internet…I so appreciate your realness and honesty. I love that you are being vulnerable with your viewers and with yourself. It is truly what makes us feel connected and relatable. And YES! when did we ever think we could EVER do ANYTHING not in community!!
    Keep up the real work Elenore!
    Here’s some words that you sent me on a post it, with my Nordic Superfood all the way to Boulder, Colorado.
    Be brave, Be bold, Be YOU! I look at it everyday. Thank you!

    xxo

    ps~i’m making this amazing cake for my husbands birthday next week :)

    Reply
  65. Kathleen
    25 april, 2014

    Love this post. It makes so much sense…I think you really hit the nail on the head with so many things. You should write a book! And your cake…oh, wow! Will try that. Thank you! Sharing with my friends and sisters…

    Reply
  66. Dor
    25 april, 2014

    Dear Elenore,
    Though my son had been rather good at sleeping throught the nights; now, that he is one year old it became more difficult with the teeth coming and with his learning to walk… So I began to feel the way you have only two months ago; but then it hit me as well. I had had to admit, I need a sleep during the day when he happens to sleep as well; but then there was no me-time, what is also an important thing that was missing… By now I managed to survive with lots of little ideas, but your First Aid Kit will also help me a lot!
    Of course I am also thinking a lot about raising the kids in communities would make a lot more sense; so I try to spend a lot of time with family, relatives and friends with children! Though it means a lot more mess sometimes, it is fun and great quality-time spent together too…
    As for the cake, I am really inspired to do my first raw cake for my upcoming birthday next week! Hope I will be managing with only a simple immersion blender on board…
    And I am also grateful and try to make time to journal it as well! Today I am grateful for You and Your blog!
    Thank you! Sending you Love!

    Reply
  67. Katy
    26 april, 2014

    Beautiful words x

    Reply
  68. pili
    29 april, 2014

    Oh boy! I was feeling exactly the same last week….So exhausted of taking care of my 8 month old baby, with no family around…no motivation or energy to do anything else…unable to think properly, forgetting everything, complete chaos! I have talked to other mothers about it and I found relieved in that all of them went (and go) through the same. Hang in there… in the bottom of my heart I believe we can do it and that it will get better!

    Reply
  69. Cara
    9 maj, 2014

    I would take more time to comment, but with short on time I wanted to at least say this: You are an amazing person. I can relate to every single aspect of what you wrote. You’re transparency in writing this has made me so incredibly happy to hear there are others that go through these things. I have a beautiful 4 year old, Seychelle, and what a whirlwind the first year was. Bliss and stress like I couldn’t have imagined. Changed my life and a many paradigm shifters related to my image/health/body/abilities. Vulnerabilities and strengths I didn’t know I had. Needing help from others is so important. Your tips are exquisite. It’s amazing how you can feel a connection from reading some one’s writings. Just beautiful. And the cake sounds divine.. I will be making this. Thanks for writing! Love to you and your family.

    Reply
  70. Kristy
    18 maj, 2014

    Thank you for opening up. I have no doubt you will get through this and I wouldn’t be surprised if most new moms felt this way. Heck, most women feel this way…we expect nothing but perfection of ourselves too often. But there is beauty and strength in our ‘imperfections’ because it’s what makes us human and connected to each other. I don’t know you but feel deeply connected to you because I understand your pain & appreciate your positive attitude and desire to learn something from all of this. Through your struggle you are doing something very good and worthwhile by posting a thought provoking and helpful website. Thank you again!!!!

    p.s. I live in San Francisco but often think of running away to your neck of the woods : )

    Reply
  71. Nikki
    26 maj, 2014

    What a brave and inspiring post! Its so refreshing to read an honest account of the harder parts of being a mum. I am also a first time mum to a gorgeous 16 month boy, i live in the north of thailand with my thai husband and although i am lucky to have some wonderful friends here i do not have my family around or anyone i can leave him with to have a break. He still breastfeeds all through the night (sometimes feels like the whole night!) and the sleep deprivation really gets to you! Even if you eat really well and take great care of yourself i think the lack of sleep makes you feel a bit crazy sometimes…and very irritable.
    Your comment about it taking a village to raise a child is sooo true, i see when we go to visit my husbands mum in his village how everyone takes turns carrying round the babies, feeding them, bathing them etc. I chose not to live in the village because i wanted more privacy and im glad i made that decision but sometimes when i see the way everyone helps out i do feel a tiny bit of jealousy!! ;) anyway Elenore…good luck with everything and the feeling of being overwhelmed does get a little better each month i promise :-) xxx

    Reply
  72. Sabrina
    11 juni, 2014

    It is funny how much these words spoke to my heart today. Lately I have been feeling so overwhelmed with being a mother and even more overwhelmed and disappointed in myself for feeling this way. My daughter is 14 months old and, living so far away from family, I have not spent more then 2 hours away from her in all of that time. And while I LOVE my daughter in ways that words cannot express, I have been feeling that I too need a break. It is harder to appreciate everything you have when you are never able to step away from it and miss it. Her short daily naps are the only ”me-time” I have and I spend that time doing the dishes, folding laundry, cleaning up the toys strewn about the house…hardly ”me-time” at all. Today was the first day I decided to sit down and read through some of the weeks of posts I have missed since being a mama and I’m glad I did. This post really does help remind me that, despite appearances, every new parent goes through these emotions and struggles. Why do we all try to make it look like it is so easy, that is not helpful for anyone? We are expecting baby number 2 in September and I already dread the months of sleep deprivation that come with having/holding/loving and being blessed with a new life (the times when you are so overtired that you can’t fall asleep even when you might have 20 minutes to spare!). Sigh, we will all get through it somehow! And on queue, I hear my baby has woken from her nap, goodbye me-time, it’s off to the races once more! Thank you for your honesty, it has helped me reconnect and refresh. I hope you too are able to find your ”you”!

    Reply
  73. Jessica
    13 juni, 2014

    Thank you so much for putting this big truth in writing! It gave me som much both news and reminders to read this. I am expecting my second child and still suffers from the rests of sleep deprivation and bad eating habits during my sons first year. I do not want to make that mistake again, and are looking for tools to make it work better this time. :) Thank you so much for handing me the total list!

    This is the first time I stumbled upon your blog, but I will definitely return! And try that cake!

    Love from Jessica

    Reply
  74. Beatrice
    26 juli, 2014

    You are truly fantastic,
    you are real.
    Your family and the way you think about the world and live it is truly inspiring for me and not because is a fairy tale but because is REAL,and is amazing that you can share your feelings freely because are in the hard moments that you share that you really reach out to the person that perhaps wasn’t really believing in the change, the person that was scared of it, scared of not being able to do it.
    I will scan and send you a story that I think you will truly love.
    Love and blessing <3

    Reply

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